Oz, You're Stupid
by IvankaLOL
Summary: Gil gets set up on a blind date by Oz, Alice, and Break.
1. Chapter 1

Gil was an awkward and quite lonely guy (and a subject of bullying for Break). But, it seemed like no one in Reinsville can resist him (although not one of his close friends could understand why).

"So . . . Gil, you're quite popular with the ladies, right?" Oz teased, waggling his eyebrows in a comical manner. His question caught Gil off guard (didn't everything?). Alice couldn't stop herself from laughing.

"_Please_, Oz, one date and a girl would be out the bathroom window by before it was over!" She took a bite out of the meat lying on the plate in front of her. Oz contemplated that theory of Alice's and decided to challenge it.

"Okay, Alice, you find one random girl to go on a date with Gil and I'll prove you wrong! If I'm right – which I will be – you have to refrain from eating meat for a whole week!" Alice laughed at his foolish remark.

"And how will I benefit from this, manservant?"

"No, no! I really don't think this is a good idea!" Gil protested, and expression of worry creeping upon his face. Alice and Oz ignored his pleas and went on with their own little bet.

"Okay, if you win – which you won't – then, um. . ." Oz thought for a bit, and then smiled at his idea, "I will do _anything_ you want me to do for a whole month. _Anything_!" He was smiling like an idiot when Break and Sharon strolled into the room.

"What's this I hear about obeying someone for a month?" Break slyly asked. He had his hand around Sharon waist and one hand occupied with a lollipop.

"Nothing! They were talking about nothing!" Gil frantically said. Yet again, Alice and Oz refused to listen him.

"Oh, hi Break-sama, hi Sharon-chan, we were just talking about how awkward Gil is on dates." Oz answered nonchalantly, ignoring Gil's desperate pleas to _SHUT UP_.

"I don't recall Gil-sama ever going on a date. Do you, Xerx-nii?" She looked up at her servant. Break answered her, "Oh, no, milady, I don't ever remember such a thing ever occurring." He chuckled and Gil sighed a sigh of defeat, knowing he couldn't get the four of them to stop teasing him. Break continued, "Besides, even if Gilbert-chan had ever went on a date, he'd be rushing out of their before his date even said a word." He chuckled again

"Alright, so if Break is right, and I am wrong, I promise I will clean the Rainsworth mansion everyday for a month!" Oz announced, looking quite pleased with himself.

"Oz, you idiot, don't get to confident and give yourself these ridiculous tasks you will never be able to accomplish! And I doubt this clown even cleans the house anyway! Hm, let's see . . . okay, I got it! If you're wrong, Break, Oz and I will give Sharon to a creepy homeless guy!" Alice laughed.

"What? NO!" Sharon rejected Alice's twisted imagination.

"Alright, alright . . . if Break's wrong, we will force Sharon to bake all the treats that the Rainsworth household serves its guest." Alice stated.

"Oh, well that's a sight I'd like to see." Break chuckled once again, only to be hit with Sharon's mighty paper fan.

Gil sighed and rested his head in his hands, a sign of hopelessness.

"Okay, so it's settled. If I Gil survives the date, which he will, Alice will go without meat for a week. Oh, and Break, you will go without sweets! I made it a week because I'm such a nice person!" Oz babbled, "If Alice wins and the girl jumps out the bathroom window, then I will be her slave for a whole month. That goes for you, too, Break. And is Gil runs out on the date like Break predicted, I will clean the Rainsworth household with Alice for a whole month!"

"Hey, moron, I never agreed with that!" Alice cut in. Oz brushed her away with his hand.

"In the case of Break-sama being wrong, Sharon will cook Rainsworth meals and treats for a week – wait, no, a month!"

"Isn't that more like me suffering than Break?" Sharon was praying Xerx-nii would be correct and she wouldn't have to be in the kitchen for a month.

"Yes but we will all be suffering because there will be no good food here." Alice took a sad bite out of the meat, realizing this might be the last time she may have a piece of meat like this one in a week – or in Sharon's case a month. Then she suddenly realized something, "Wait, Oz-kun! This means that one of us will win and two of us will have to suffer!"

"Right. So you and Break better start teaching Sharon how to cook and Alice, you better eat all the meat you can before you lose!" Oz laughed. "The only problem is that we have no girl for Gil to go on a date with!" Gil whimpered, knowing he had no way out of their little trap. He didn't actually think they would pull through with this.

"Oh, I have that settled. It'll be easy!" Alice smirked and Gil was slightly frightened and concerned at Alice's remark.

**A/N: Hello little readers, I am quite disappointed in this story as I could not quite get my idea down on the virtual paper. I will update it next week Monday or Tuesday, possibly over the weekend. I plan to continue it despite my loathe for the outcome. Disclaimer: I do not own Pandora Hearts (although I wish I do)**


	2. Chapter 2

As Gil was in his depressed corner, worrying like hell about his friends' horrifying scheme, Sharon was busy almost setting the Rainsworth mansion on fire. Through all the shuffling and clinking of pots, it was hard for Cheryl not to walk – erm, wheel – over to the kitchen in curiosity.

"Oh, okay, so three table spoons," Sharon got out a spoon as if to confirm its presence upon the kitchen utensils, "and then a ½ cup of milk. . ." Sharon scrambled about the pantry for a snack, for all the food in front of her was making her quite hungry. It was then that she ran into her grandmother, who was watching her in the doorway for – how long was she there?

Her heart jumped, "Oh, hello, grandmother! My apologies, you had frightened me." Sharon faked a sweet smile to her dear old grandmother and bowed her head politely.

"Why, Sharon, it is so unlike you to take up such an obscure hobby. I hope someone isn't putting you up to this!" Cheryl said in a slightly austere tone. Sharon shook her head. And, as her grandmother continued to lecture her about 'being her own person', her eyes wandered to the side of her cheek, where she found a slight smear of raw cupcake batter. In the spur of the moment, her tongue reached to the right side of her face. She remained that way, struggling to reach her ½ inch sized tongue 5 more inches to the side of her youthful face, for a few moments until her grandmother scolded her, making her jump and wipe the batter off with the back of her hand. "Stop acting so peculiar, Sharon! What has gotten into you today?"

"Nothing, grandmother, please do not worry about me." She bowed her head slightly, "Once I clean all this disgusting paste off of me, I promise you I will let Break escort me to town." Cheryl laughed and Sharon stated, "Honestly, if I knew cakes were made of this disgusting stuff I would have never eaten them – ever!" Cheryl laughed some more, then claimed she was off to bother the Barma household. When she heard the front door open and close down the hall, she scurried back to the oven, awaiting for her bread the rise so she could replace it with the brownie mix sitting placidly on the marble counter.

"I'm going out to Pandora for a little while, ojou-chan. In the meanwhile, please don't try to die." Break startled her and she jumped a little inside.

"Break you idiot, don't scare me like that!" she threatened him by waving her wooden spoon at him, "I most certainly will not die, thank you very much! I have this whole thing under control."

"Okay, whatever you say, milady. But if you burn the house down, your mother won't be of much help; she'll be buried with the house." Break joked. Sharon was about to hit him when pots that were clumsily balancing on hooks above them toppled down on a lovely cup of hot tea, splattering tea and glass bits everywhere. "Yes, you completely have this under control." Break said sarcastically. Sharon ignored his teasing.

"Mmhm, well, goodbye, Xerx-nii!" she rushed him off on his merry way. When he left she slumped against the wall, silently hoping Oz and Alice would lose that stupid bet of theirs.

The smoke alarm went haywire and she ran in time to see her bread burning. She was surprised she even knew how to make tea properly. Leaving the burnt bread out by the garden for birds to come, thinking of how frazzled Gil looked the previous afternoon, suppressing a giggle.

A/N: HI EVERYONE! Sorry for the shortness of this chapter, and yes I know it may be slightly confusing (or very confusing, I don't know) but I made this in, like . . . 30 minutes. SO DO NOT JUDGE ME!


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